Temporary Home

We made it to our “temporary home” with my cousin. It was a shock for sure. My cousin made sure to keep my spirits up and make every day a “PARTY”. That’s what she would always say. Life is a party! You should wake up every morning and say “Good morning God!” Thank you for waking me up today! Doneta is such an inspiration and I learned a lot from her in the 2 months we stayed with her.

Summer vibes

Our summer consisted of coffee in bed with Doneta, breakfast together, gaining confidence in my cooking abilities, learning love and self-care, walks to the lake, parks, feeding cattle, and traveling.

Each morning we would have coffee with Doneta. It was inspiring to slow down, drink our coffee, and chat about life. I heard so many inspirational things from her. She was constantly filling my cup. She told me I was beautiful, worthy, a child of God. I was told over and over how she has met many women and knows a good one when she sees one. It really helped build my confidence again.

Choose people of love

“You are the company you keep” she would tell me. It rings forever true! After being constantly torn down by my ex, I was able to feel like her words had depth and meaning. The more you surround yourself with people who love you, who talk positively, and who build each other up, the more successful you all will be! “Everyone deserves an atta-girl”. You can be the person to fill someone else’s cup. Remind someone that you appreciate them. Thank someone who helped you in your life. Be positive when someone is having a bad day.

Remember to do yourself a favor and surround yourself with people who have similar values, goals, and a positive attitude. That is not to say that people occasionally struggle. However, it is in our control to change our mindset. I was someone who constantly talked down to myself. I catch myself doing it even today. I am not completely out of the woods yet. The difference is now, I know I do not want to live that lifestyle anymore, nor do I have to. You don’t either.

Fear is the enemy

There were many times I felt I was on edge having my kids with me at Doneta’s house. Here we were in a beautiful home that was fancier than anything I had ever lived in. I was so scared that my kids would break something. I was afraid that they would be wild or rude. There was that negative self-talk I was telling you about. One day Doneta kindly told me that when I am anxious and worried about the children, it made her anxious. She told me to relax. I was reassured that the girls are allowed to be kids and if they were doing something she didn’t like, she would tell them.

I wanted to control everything because I didn’t want my kids to get in trouble and I didn’t want to be judged on the actions of my children. It was surrounded in fear. Fear is the enemy. I am not saying that you should allow kids to run rampant or be disrespectful. We had boundaries. I am saying that I was constantly on edge, watching my kids, constantly reminding them to calm down or be careful. It was apparent that my fear was not allowing them to just be kids. It was a road block in their lives and my peace.

Having Doneta reassure me that my kids would be okay was growth for me. She was always graceful when she would talk to me about some of my anxieties. Having someone who was kind and reassuring changed my view about allowing my kids to be kids. I was able to let go of that fear and control.

Change your mindset

When I first came to Donetas house, I would always apologize for my kids behavior or my dogs behavior. I would say things like, “I’m sorry my kids are a little wild”. When my daughter would throw a fit about something, I would apologize and say that she has been through a lot. If people would want to pet my dog or meet my dog for the first time, I would apologize. I would warn them that my dog was a little wild.

The fact is, my kids were just being kids, and my dog was just being a dog. I remember Doneta would always introduce us with love, respect, and like we were movie stars. She would always compliment the girls and I when we met new people. “These girls are the best”. She would compliment my children for bringing her coffee in bed, doing the dishes, singing songs, and so much more. She would compliment me so many times. “Hannah is such a good mommy” Brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it. She would even compliment my dog when meeting new people.

FINALLY, I realized what I was doing wrong. It was a habit I have had from who knows when. I fell into a trap of being the victim and always apologizing. I have been practicing this more positive approach that Doneta has.

Every time I interact with people, I try to incorporate a positive outcome. There have been times when I have fallen back into my old habits of excuses, but knowing better, I am able to correct myself. Old habits are hard to break. It just takes patience and practice. Give yourself grace as you transition from your old lifestyle.

Unconditional Love

I have learned unconditional love. Something that has felt foreign to me. I moved out when I was 16, and haven’t had a home to return to since (This is a long story that I might share in another post).

It all started with a broken doorknob. Remember my fear of my kids breaking something? It happened, and I was terrified. I turned into a little kid myself afraid of reprimand. The doorknob on the door to the bedroom we were staying in got knocked off. I was trying to figure out what happened, in a panic. I remember being upset with my daughter because she accidentally knocked it off with the other door that leads to the closet.

Right then, Doneta came in the room. I immediately told her, panic in my eyes, and tears immediately started flowing as I apologized. She was so loving and kind. Disregarding the doorknob, she embraced me and comforted me. A part of the kid in me healed a little in this moment. She told me that she would never want to see me cry, especially over a doorknob.

Life Happens

Then she told me that it has happened before! I was so worried about this, and it has happened before! She reassured me that these things happen. The doorknob has fallen before. People have spilled wine on her carpets, her couch. She has assured me over and over that these things happen.

Forgiveness is a beautiful thing. However, admitting that you made a mistake is the first step. In order to receive the beautiful gift of forgiveness, you have to admit to it first. This day, my cousin showed me love and forgiveness immediately. She didn’t react with anger. She didn’t even care about the broken doorknob. She was more concerned for my emotions and showed me care. I felt like a little kid as she comforted me and reassured me. But in that moment, the kid in me healed a little more. If someone is not reacting with kindness, or they are overreacting in anger, remember, you are the company you keep. This moment was another turning point for my mindset and making that change.

It can be easy to feel overwhelmed by life and react when something inconveniences you. I used to find myself feeling upset immediately at small inconveniences. Having this moment with Doneta changed my mindset. I was able to receive that forgiveness and grow to be better.

Now, I find myself taking a breath, reassuring myself or my children in the moment, and finding a solution. It can be easier to react, but it can make you feel crappy after. Forgiveness is simple. Things happen. Life happens. There are things out of our control that we just need to fix the problem and move on. Don’t over exert yourself worrying about what might happen or what people will think. Admit your faults and find a solution. Sometimes, we need to find the ability to forgive ourselves as well.

Doneta’s 80th Birthday

We had so much fun for Doneta’s 80th birthday party! She had many people come to show their love and support. My girls and I sang a song with her grandson playing the guitar for us. Here I met many new people. I felt out of place because it can be easy to allow your mind to crush your spirit. There were times I questioned the move and if I belonged. It’s hard to admit it now because I feel ashamed that I would allow myself to question. Every person I met that night was so kind to me and the girls. It was so special to be able to share this moment with my cousin and the people she surrounds herself with!

Baptism

I have waited for this moment since I was a little kid! I am so glad that I waited, because God knew I would have a testimony to share. However, I was so hesitant through the years because I felt I was so old to be getting baptized. I remember being worried that I was older and someone reminded me of all the people in the Bible who were baptized at an older age. That gave me comfort. I shared my story to the congregation and it was one of the hardest things I had to share.

This was one of the best days of my life. To be able to publicly announce that I wanted to change my life and follow Christ.

Choose chances and change

My cousin, by divine intervention, brought me to Oklahoma. She has been such a beautiful mentor for me. With all the love, kindness, powerful conversations that we have had, I feel inspired. I want to inspire you.

If you are someone who has a strong faith and you can relate to Doneta, I challenge you to take someone under your wing. To be someone who another person can lean on. I challenged you to guide someone spiritually, mentally, physically. You can see how Doneta has helped me to change my life for the better. She encouraged me to seek God, go to church, get baptized, work on loving myself, eating healthy, and getting more in shape. I have been able to change my lifestyle because I have my very own cheerleader.

If you are someone who can relate to my story, I challenged you to seek for someone to help you. I challenge you to go out and find your people. You need to find like minded people who will challenge you to be your best self! You will not regret it! You have to be real with yourself and make the change. On top of having my cousin as support, I go to church, I listen to self-help books, and I have been going to therapy. You cannot rely on someone to change your life. You have to want it!

Chances

If God is tugging at your heart, take the chance. This moment that Doneta and I had together was Divine Intervention. God kept tugging at Doneta’s heart. She kept reaching out to me and I felt comfortable enough to share my struggles. She had a way to help and I took her on her offer. It sounds simple, but it is more than that. It can be life changing!

If you don’t feel you have the means to help someone, start small. Fill someone’s cup, give them an atta-girl. It can be as simple as helping someone clean their house, watching someone’s children, or providing a meal. Simply being in someone’s presence can be helpful, reminding them of their worth. Maybe it can be sitting next to someone at church. There are so many ways that you can be a helpful presence in other people’s lives.

Have you had an opportunity to help someone? What was it that you were able to do? How did it impact your life?

Have you been in a position that someone was able to help you? What did they do for you? How did it impact your life?